Saturday, November 27, 2010
Arranged Marriage...in my Family?
As we started The Namesake and we learned about the arranged between Ashima and Ashoke, I had mixed feelings about the situation. Arranged marriage was a part of their culture but at the same time I thought, "How could two people who didn't know each other and who were forced into marriage actually be happy and fall in love?" I reflected back upon these feelings yesterday when I was with my mom and our family friend Rachel. We were talking about how Rachel was getting a divorce and how you can never really guess how relationships will end up. Rachel thought it was amazing that her parents only dated for 12 weeks before being married for over 30 years. My mom agreed and said, "My parents had an arranged marriage and they were married all their life until my father died a few years ago." When I heard this, I was taken aback a little. I had forgotten that my grandparents had an arranged marriage (Technically my grandpa (GungGung) was arranged to marry my grandma's (PoPo) sister, but somehow the parents changed their mind) Now, looking back at my grandparents and at the Ganguli's I have a different perspective on arranged marriage. My GungGung and my PoPo had an amazing relationship. They really did live happily and I believe they were truly in love even though they had an arranged marriage. My GungGung put on a hard front and always pretended like he didn't have emotions, but we knew he did, cause when it really mattered, he showed it, especially to PoPo. Although all around them they saw that other people had the chance to fall in love and choose their partner, I do not think either of them would go back and change their arranged marriage because they fell in love and it the system is a part of their culture (Asian ethnicity if you didn't catch on). I am not an advocate of arranged marriage now, but I am also not totally against it. Everyone always jokes and says, "So are you going to have an arranged marriage? Are you going to marry an Asian?" And even after this realization about my grandparents, my answer is still a no.
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Hi Jillian! I was really interested by your post. I, like you before, found difficulty accepting that people in an arranged marriage would fall in deeply love like people who meet and fall in love. Your story really made me reconsider these preexisiting beliefs. I felt the same way about people who marry their high school sweethearts- people change greatly over time and I wondered how these relationships work out as well. My parents were married when my mom was 19 and are still together, so I'm beginning to feel that when people are in committed relationships, they sometimes adapt through life to keep or create true love.
ReplyDeleteJillian, I have never known anyone who has had an arranged marriage before! Well now I do thanks to GungGung and PoPo! My dad was my mom's first boyfriend. They dated from her senior year all the way to the age of 27 when they got married. I always thought you had to date someone for a very long time in order for a marriage to flourish. However, it seems that even through an arranged marriage, a healthy, happy relationship can develop.
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